Monday, November 08, 2004

This just in: Tara Reid is an ACTRESS, dammit, and she want to be treated like one! Like, with respect and whatnot. Ms. Reid made this charming statement in a report carried by WENN:

"Tara Reid is fed up with her reputation for being a 'retard' and cites friend Paris Hilton as her role model for overcoming her party girl image. The American Pie star, 28, is keen to outgrow her controversial persona and be taken more seriously in Hollywood.

Reid says, 'I am known as this retard. I want to grow up. I don't want to be the drunk girl. It hurts my feelings when stuff is written about me. Paris seems to move on from situations all the time, why can't I?'"

Ahh, yes. Drunk Girl wants to be taken seriously as a thespian, and sets herself some VERY strict new behavior guidelines:

First, show up on the red carpet for P. Diddy's birthday party with red-rimmed nostrils and an entirely exposed boob hanging out of her dress like a besilliconed cow's udder.

Second, talk to the press about not wanting to be known as "this retard." It's that kind of sensitive artiste talk that will really gain a gal some R-E-S-P-E-C-T.

Third, look to P-Hole Hilton as a role model for seriousness, 'cause she's kind of like a blonder, uglier Eleanor Roosevelt type: People see her and think, "Why, there goes that wonderful, intelligent woman who has devoted her life to her family, to her country, and to the advancement of liberal ideals. Good show!"

Yes, all in all I think it's a pretty good plan. I do have to make special note of one little detail, something that made me do an old-timey Vaudeville-style double-take: TARA REID IS ONLY 28 YEARS OLD! Whoa, man. That is simply AMAZING. I guess in party years that makes her about 97.

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