Friday, October 22, 2004

Today your humble Felt Up blogette is going to dwell on matters theological. To wit: Does God exist, and if so, how do we know? Well, this headline from the IMDB gives me reason to believe, that's for sure:

"Renee Shelves Joplin Film"

Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Halleeeeeeeeeeeeluuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuluuuuuuuuuuuuuujah! (Shafth of light comes through ceiling, illuminates iMAc):

"Renee Zellweger's planned Janis Joplin biopic has been shelved because producers can't decide on a script. The Cold Mountain star is still desperate to star as the tragic rock singer, but she admits the project isn't likely to roll in the near future. She says, 'We talked about that a couple of years ago, developing a script and seeing if it is good enough. She is an exceptional woman and it needs to be an exceptional script to tell her story in a responsible way to have her story told the way it needs to be told. And that takes time. If I am ultimately the person to do it, then great. We are in the stage of developing it and pulling it together. For now, I've got no start date and I am not getting in a make-up chair any time soon.'"

Whew, we really dodged a bullet with that one. But...wait...oh NO. Oh, it can't be. The final sentence rupudiates all that is good and decent in the world:

"A rival project, starring pop superstar Pink as Joplin, is also in the works."

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!(Slow motion shot of me collapsing to floor, shaking fist at the sky, sobbing.)

Guess I spoke too soon about that God thing. Hell.

On the other hand, maybe He does exist and He has a sassy sense of humor. THIS headline, also from the IMDB gossip page, sure seems like proof:

"Lohan's Dad Plans Reality Show"

YES! I believe in miracles, where you from, you sexy thing (sexy thing)? Sorry, I can't resist quoting Hot Chocolate, even if it doesn't make a whole lot of LITERAL sense. Back to the story already in progress:

"Teenage actress Lindsay Lohan is furious her estranged father Michael is planning a reality show about his scandalous life, pals claim. The Freaky Friday star's dad decided his life was interesting enough for a show, after he was accused of running over Lohan's mother and was forced to enter a drug and alcohol rehabilitation centre. He is now in talks with his lawyer and a private investigator to get his own fly-on- the-wall TV series. Lohan's close friend says, 'She's worried he'll embarrass her with his unpredictable antics.'"

Uh, DUH, Lindsay. If by "unpredictable antics" you mean "stalking your mother, being a loud, controlling, obnoxious drunk all the time, and punching your uncle," then YES you are going to be embarrassed. Better call Tara Reid for some tea and sympathy RIGHT AWAY!

The theological questions raised today will never be solved. We are mere mortals and can never know the true meaning of divinity. But maybe if we try the
Kabbalah...

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