Monday, October 04, 2004

Looks like someone's got a bad case of the Mondays! Sorry, that would be me. There's not a whole lot of good, fun non-news today, which puts me in a cranky mood. But there is SOME. First up: The IMDB says that Lindsay Lohan's dad pled guilty to assault last week, after beating up a garbage man in NYC:

"Teen star Lindsay Lohan's father Michael pleaded guilty to assault charges in a Manhattan courtroom on Thursday. The Mean Girls actress' controversial parent stood accused of assaulting a New York city sanitation worker during an altercation on a Manhattan street last year. According to the plaintive, Michael struck him, "several times about the face with closed fists." Judge Richard Weinberg ordered Michael to attend anger management classes - and if he successfully completed the course, the conviction would be wiped from his record when he returns to court on December 9. Michael faces separate assault charges in another case following a fight with Lindsay's uncle Matt Sullivan in May. He said on leaving the courtroom, 'I just want stability for my family. That's what God wants and everybody wants.'"

Uh, maybe God wants stability for your family, Michael Lohan, but I DON'T. I enjoy your whole family's trashy shennanigans far too much to let it all slip away. In fact, why don't you just go ahead and adopt Tara Reid and Bijou Philips? That would be great, thanks.

Here's a sad story. The ashes of one of my favorite actresses were found in an antique store. Veronica Lake, who was so great in Preston Sturgess' "Sullivan's Travels" (which heavily influenced the Coen Brothers, who got the name "O Brother Where Art Thou" from a running joke in the Sturgess movie) died completely destitute in 1973 from hepatitis. She was famous for her long blonde hair that fell over one eye, which was so copied during WWII that the War Department had to ban the "Veronica Lake" hairdo from the Rosie the Riveters working in the war munitions factories because it was causing all kinds of safety problems. The IMDB reports:

"Tragic film legend Veronica Lake's ashes have been discovered in a New York antique store, 30 years after her death....Her ashes were thought to have been scattered off the Florida coastline, but it has emerged some of them have remained on dry land. Laura Levine, who owns Homer and Langley's Mystery Spot in the Catskills, upstate New York, was amazed with the find and is planning a 16 October homage to the late star with Lake lookalikes. Levine says, 'It's a strange little footnote to a fascinating legacy. I'm a huge fan of Veronica Lake. I just think she's brilliant, gorgeous, incredibly talented and underappreciated.'"

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OK. I hate reports like this that don't give you more details. HOW did they know it was Veronica Lake's ashes? Was there a little nametag or something? Have they done DNA testing? And what were the circumstances? They say the ashes were found in an antique shop and have the quote from the owner of something called Homer and Langely's Mystery Spot--which is what? An antique shop? A crematorium? And how did they stumble upon these ashes? Were they in an urn that said "The Ashes Of Veronica Lake"? In their own store or someone else's? Oh, I could go on and on. If a more thorough account comes to light, I'll pass it on, but really, this just IRKS me no end.

But not so much that I won't reprint yet another IMDB story. How could I, when it's about Whitney Houston? I'm not made of stone. Sadly, it's all about how clean and sober she has become (I'll believe it when I see it):

"Whitney Houston is making her singing comeback after almost "throwing it all away" with her addiction to drugs. The ballad singer, 40, is sober after her stint in a rehab clinic in March following several years of non-stop partying with husband Bobby Brown, which saw police being called to their home following a series of domestic bust-ups. Houston explains, 'I've emerged from a long, long fog. I'm clean, I'm sober, I feel reborn and I'm loving life. I came so close to throwing it all away. Now I cherish every second of the day. I have rededicated my life to my family and my career and I am happier now than I can ever remember being. These past three years have been a very long period. I thank God we have emerged back into the light.'"

Um, did I forget something or was she only in rehab for like two weeks before she skipped out? Is that long enough to emerge back into the light? Maybe she did "secret" rehab, but what would be the point of that, except of course, privacy--but this is a woman whose abusive drug-addicted husband is trying to get his own reality tv show on the air. I really don't think "privacy" is a highly-valued concept chez Houston-Brown. Nor is "stability," "sanity," or "making sense." And thank God for THAT. Don't throw it all away Whitney! Your fans want and need you to be a crazy crack-addled-lesbian-with-an-abusive-beard-husband! Come on, you can do it!

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