Tuesday, October 26, 2004

Lindsay Lohan is in the hospital for a "high fever." I didn't know you could get a fever from being high! Ha ha ha. If she turns out to have meningitis I will feel very badly indeed. My main concern, naturellement: What is Tara Reid going to do?...More on this important matter of great national urgency as information becomes available, so stay tuned.

In other non-news, after 1) blaming her band, 2) blaming a "computer glitch", and 3) blaming "acid reflux" (my personal favorite), Ashlee Simpson is finally blaming the right person--herself--for her "SNL" lip-sync meltdown. The IMDB says that:

"Ashlee Simpson has owned up to lip-syncing, following an embarrassing Saturday night slip-up on live TV...she now writes on her website that her voice was overworked. She says, 'I'll hold my head high and say I think it was silly of me to do it, silly of me to blame the band, I was just so f**king embarrassed. But I don't think it did me much harm, and people will see that soon.'"

Hee hee! Not "much harm" to your career? You are a laughing-stock and a pariah! The New York Post ran a headline that said "ASHLEE'S HALF-ACID LIP-SYNC EXCUSE!" Ha ha ha! Denial ain't just a river in Egypt, Ashlee! Yeah, keep holding that parakeet head of yours high, you still have your incredible songwriting ability and great beauty to fall back on--NOT!

As a chanteuse myself, I have a lot of sympathy--for your listeners! I cannot IMAGINE using a "guide vocal" onstage, because besides having integrity--not to mention sizzling hot TALENT--I have seen "Dead Man's Curve: The Jan and Dean Story" (see earlier post) and I know what can happen! Lip-syncing is fraught with danger! At the very least you might get yelled at by Elton John, and who needs that?

The last line of the report if full of glee:

"The blunder has been all the more embarrassing for Simpson, because she recently expressed her disapproval of lip-syncing in an interview with Lucky magazine, explaining, 'I'm totally against it and offended by it. I'm going to let my real talent show, not just stand there and dance around. Personally, I'd never lip- sync. It's just not me.'"

SNORT! I just did a spit take! This girl is a RIOT. Was she put on Earth just to distract me from the election to keep from going insane with worry, to kind of put things into perspective?...Or is she just annoying? It's a very fine line indeed.

Apparently she performed at some awards show last night, sans lip-sync machine, and was screechy and awful and messed up the lyrics, according to Richard "Dick" Johnson. I LOVE IT!!! Somewhere Jessica S. is peeing her $800 panties with delight, I just KNOW IT.

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