Wednesday, September 29, 2004

Well, I guess the rumors that Britney had to buy her own wedding ring and pay for her entire wedding were exaggerated. Apparently, unemployed back-up dancer, father of two, and Cheeto enabler Kevin Federline has gone into debt for his blushing bride. According to MSNBC, Mr. Spears took out a loan to pay for the plain platinum band he bought Brits, and to help defray some of the costs of their sacred, holy nuptials:

"Kevin Federline reportedly had to take out a loan to buy his multi-millionaire wife’s wedding ring. It’s a platinum band with no diamonds; the ring Spears gave to Federline, however, is platinum with diamonds.

Britney allegedly made the revelation to defend Federline — her former backup singer who has two children by another woman he didn’t marry — against charges that he’s a gold-digger or freeloader.

'I am very annoyed with some reports speculating such [garbage] that I had to pay for the wedding myself and that I even had to buy my own ring,' the World Entertainment News Networks quotes Spears as saying. 'It’s simply so not true. Kevin took out a loan to contribute towards the wedding and so he could buy me my band. He insisted. It’s so hurtful when this kind of thing comes out. Kevin pays his own way and I wouldn’t have it any other way.'

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Well, who WOULDN'T loan this man money?

I for one think it's kind of sweet, if slightly pathetic, that he felt the need to go to a loanshark or whatever (seriuosly, what financial institution on earth would give him a loan? did he use Britney herself as collateral?) to buy his lil' gal a ring and help pay for the chicken fingers at the wedding reception. Not to mention the "Pimp" tracksuits. But what, praytell, about his babymama and two babies? Did he take out a loan to pay child support? If I were Shar, and I wake up every day and thank God Almighty that I am NOT, I would be so beyond pissed right now that I wouldn't be able to STAND it. I would just go OFF. She and Britney need to settle this where it should've been settled a long, long time ago: On the DANCEFLOOR. They need to have a real dance-off, not that fake stunt the tabloids reported a few weeks ago. Shar needs to give Kevin a big shove, go into some Fly Girl moves, and get all up in Britney's face and shriek, "You just got SERVED!" It would really let the healing process begin, I think.

MSNBC is a treasure-trove of gossip, who knew? I thought it was all boring stock quotes and whatnot, but they have a pretty good non-news division as well. They ran another item today in which Gwyneth "Flapjacks" Paltrow gets all bi-yatchy about "Catwoman," which is really like kicking a dog when he's down, don't you think? The headline screamed that Flapjacks was "getting catty about 'Catwoman'":

"While promoting her new flick, “Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow,” Paltrow blasted 'Catwoman,' saying that both the movie and the character were 'unoriginal.'

Paltrow said she had originally wanted to star in the action flick, but prefers films such as “Sky Captain.”

She explained that “'if [the film] was going to fail, it was going to fail, but I wanted to take that risk and not be in a standard Hollywood adventure. After seeing ‘Catwoman,’ I thought the character and movie were unoriginal.'"

Oh. Damn. Maybe in MSNBC Land this is considered "catty talk." I thought she was going to be all "Halle Berry is a pathetic loser who can't keep a man and isn't near as pretty or talented as me. I can't believe she won an Oscar for that stupid death row movie, there wasn't even a fake English accent in that performance or anything difficult at all. Who COULDN'T pretend they were sexually attracted to Billy Bob Thornton? You call that ACTING?" THAT'S "getting catty" in my book. Not "Catwoman is an unoriginal character."

But can I just say one thing, Flapjacks? DUH. You are talking about a CARTOON character that has been done to death in comic books, tv shows, movies, sequels, etc etc, by a slew of actresses over the years. I'm fairly certain that it's one of the only roles that both Eartha Kitt AND Michelle Pfeifer have played, although I'm not a historian. So get off your high horse, Flappy, because you were TOTALLY hot for that role like every other actress in Hollywood was and you lost out to Halle because you have the sex appeal of a sack of very skinny potatoes. AND you yourself have played some not-so-original characters in your perfect, hallowed career: How about the ditzy stewardess with a heart of gold in "View From The Top"? So go feed Applejacks and shut up.

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