Tuesday, September 14, 2004

Oy vey! Every muscle in my old lady's body is screaming "WHY?" Why did you enter, and WIN, a dance contest with a bunch of twenty-somethings, you FOOL? Even my neck hurts, which was a mystery to me until Tanya B. pointed out that I probably had "Bitch Slap whiplash," and then it all became too, TOO clear. Oh well, it was WORTH IT, dammit!

The non-news is pretty scant, I'm afraid. All I've got is this rather bitchy (hooray!) expose of Paris Hilton's rude behavior at a fashion show from the NY Daily News:

"Paris Hilton seems to want all the attention of being a model - without all the 'work.'

The heiress and sometime catwalker, who was hitting the runway all over New York for Fashion Week, popped up backstage at the Lacoste fashion show. The show's hairstylists and makeup artists promptly performed their magic, prepping the beauty for the show - until they found out she wasn't in it.

She was just hanging out backstage with sister Nicky and Bijou Phillips - who both got impromptu makeovers, too. When Paris got her hair and face done exactly as she liked, she went out and sat in the front row for the show - and proceeded to chat with Bijou and ignore the fashion in front of her.

'Can you believe them?' one onlooker was overheard saying. 'They're sitting in the front row and they're not even paying attention.'

Lacoste confirmed the touchups.

'Well, it was raining outside,' a rep for the preppy brand said. But stylists didn't find it so funny and got revenge, sniping: 'Those are all hair extensions.'

Another fashionista observed, 'It's like the hair of five people all on one head.'

Watch out, Paris, those brilliant styling fingers have claws."

I'll say! Meow! I wonder WHICH five people on Earth sold their hair so that Paris might have ultra-long extensions? It would be interesting to track them down and find out what THEIR lives are like, huh? Kind of like that movie "20 Bucks," which traced all the stories of people who handled a single twenty dollar bill, we could follow the hairpieces on Paris' head back to their original owners and see what kind of existence they have. Do you think THEY get free make-up "touch-ups" from LaCoste? Think they hang out a lot with Bijou Phillips? OH, GOD, HOW I HATE PARIS HILTON! THE TRIUMPH OF MONEY AND MEDIOCRITY OVER TALENT AND BEAUTY NEVER FAILS TO MAKE MY BLOOD BOIL! If my arm muscles weren't so sore and stiff I would shake my fist at her!

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