Tuesday, September 28, 2004

NEWSFLASH!! Paris Hilton is an overexposed dumbass ho!

Yes, it's true! Believe it!

In unrelated non-news, Richard "Dick" Johnson is reporting that yet ANOTHER Paris sex tape has surfaced, apparently part of the loot stolen from dummie's house a while back. The new tape features ex-Paris boyfriend/abuser Nick Carter in one scene (gag me with a spoon!) and the other has her ca-nude-ling with another ex, a model named Jason Shaw. Johnson breathlessly writes:
"Hilton is said to be shown 'writhing in the back of a car as she is groped intimately' by former Backstreet Boy Carter. In another scene, Paris answers the the door buck naked — wearing only a "pore strip" across her nose — for Tommy Hilfiger model Shaw...

Elsewhere in the video, Hilton reportedly puffs on a joint, chirping, "Paris Hilton, part two: How to roll a joint!"

The 11 minutes of steamy footage obtained by the British paper is believed to have been culled from about 12 hours of video stolen from Hilton's rented Hollywood Hills home last month."

OK, obviously the standout scene is going to be Paris naked but for a "pore strip" on her nose! Had she forgotten she was wearing it? Or did she think it was "sexy"? Or funny? The joint smoking is boring, and I imagine so is the "backseat boy" groping--too much blonde hair and fake tans to figure out what is going on.

Oh, Paris. How could you CONTINUE to make sex tapes? Do you know how much sympathy I have for you, idiot? NONE. LESS THAN NONE. I hope it is downloaded eight hundred gazillion times by horny teenage boys across the globe over the next 24 hours. As long as I don't actually have to see any of it. EEEEK! Paris Hilton naked with a pore strip!

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I find a box of pore strips infinitely more interesting and attractive than Paris herself. I believe it has a higher IQ as well.

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