Thursday, September 30, 2004

Can this possibly be true? The IMDB is reporting that there's trouble in paradise with "Newlyweds" Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey! I only saw the first season, but apparently the second season has a lot more fighting in it, and that seems to be the only basis whatsoever for this report:

"MTV reality stars Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey are allegedly considering ending their marriage because the former 98 Degrees hunk is sick of her "dumb blonde" behavior. The Nick And Jessica: Newlyweds couple have shocked viewers with their outrageous rows on the show's second season, which features Lachey calling Simpson a "pampered bimbo", fuelling speculation the couple are drifting apart. An insider tells Britain's Daily Sport newspaper, "They are pretty much living separate lives these days. I wouldn't be surprised if both of them are back on the market in a few months." Lachey reportedly complained, 'If I'd wanted a bimbo, I would have married Paris Hilton.'"

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Yes, why on earth would anyone willingly marry a dumb bimbo? A hot, rich dumb bimbo in an S & M outfit handing you drinks? It simply doesn't add up.

OK, I just noticed that the main source for this story was Britain's Daily Sport, which is a very well-known and highly-respected journal of gossip. (Snort!) The Great Felt Uppette, all-knowing and all-seeing, doth predict that within hours there will be a "joint statement" from The Lacheys, denouncing this terrible gossip as "totally false" and announcing yet another marriage vow renewal ceremony at an undisclosed location....

Across the pond, the drama queens are getting into a bit of tizzy over theater-goers' behavior. Or should I say, "theatre-goers behaviour?" Kevin Spacey has been throwing total hissy fits about the "rude" attitudes of his audiences in London, as his finely-honed thespian skills go unnoticed amid the scrunching of candy wrappers and cell-phone rings. Now, cell phone talking (or should I say "mobile chatting?") I can see. That's pretty annoying even in a crummy movie. But candy wrappers? Every man, woman, and child has the god-given right to stuff their faces with "sweets" during a Kevin Spacey play. Not to mention down several cocktails and take a Valium or three. Anyway, Joseph Fiennes threw himself into the fray by declaring that Spacey is a total wanker. Or something very close to that. Here's the good ole IMDB again:

"British actor Joseph Fiennes has accused Kevin Spacey of encouraging dull, formal theatres - by criticizing noisy audiences. The American Beauty star, who is currently artistic director of the Old Vic theatre, launched a scathing attack on theatre-goers who didn't switch off their mobile phones, or opened sweet packets during performances. The Enemy At The Gates star counters, "I think that it is sad that anything as minimal as crushing sweet papers has been picked up on. Here at the Young Vic, we are against that sort of arch, slightly bourgeois environment, with expensive seating and that sense of formality. We want to be more than that." David Lan, Spacey's counterpart at the Young Vic, adds, "Basically, we think exactly the opposite of Spacey. We would like audiences to be made up of people coming who don't normally go to the theatre. We want to put on big, difficult productions. We don't mind noisy audiences."

Yay, Joseph! I LOVE that YOU, the Royal Acadamy of Dramatic Arts-trained thespian from the land of Shakespeare, are implying that Kevin, who would have given his right nut to be a RADA-trained thespian from the land of Shakespeare, is arch and bourgeois! God, Kevin Spacey is so incredibly annoying. I liked some of his movie performances, especially in "L.A. Confidential," but he is really, really irritating in real life. All the talk of The Theatah. All the singing. Oh, God, the singing. Someone, please, make the man stop singing! Oh, I just realized his Bobby Darin biopic is about to be released. MORE SINGING! AAAAAAAH! Not to mention the "yes, I'm gay/no, no I'm not" stuff. Just admit it! Who cares? You always take your mother to the Oscars anyway, you might as well just hang an "I'm Gay" sign around your neck and be done with it. In the mean time, Joseph Fiennes wins extra credit points because his brother Ralph is dating an older lady who played his mother in a play they were in together!

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I can't help it. This article dealt with Joseph, but heart belongs to Ralph. And my favorite Ralph was Nazi Ralph. He was so much beefier, and more evil. Swoon!

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