Wednesday, September 29, 2004

Besides the Harriet Carter catalog, I also got my Us Weekly today. It seems to have gotten a glossier new cover. Inside, it's the SOS, thank god. The cover has Britney Spears and a headline screaming: "Did She Fake Her Wedding?" I have to say that I'm getting just the wee bit bored with all this nuptial hoo-ha. It's only going to last a year--if that!--so who cares if they faked their wedding or not? For those who care, apparently it's all about the prenup. SHE wanted to give him $36,000 a year for a length of time equal to half their marriage; HE demanded $300,000 a year. Hey, Britney, unemployed back-up dancers are not a dime a dozen! Get real! She also won't support his two kids (well, why should she?). And my favorite part of all: The prenup states that "any gift (other than jewelry) valued at $10,000 or more requires a legal document stating who will own it if they split." How romantic! I guess the head scarves are his to keep, free and clear.

The rest of the mag is kind of a snooze. "Childhood Sweethearts: Who Worked, Who Didn't" has Joey Fatone and his high-school sweetheart big bride, Fred Savage and his small one, and the Jon Bon Jovis as examples of those who "made it." Strangely they also list Nicky Hilton and her husband--who 13 YEARS OLDER than she is. Those who didn't "make it" include Josh Hartnett and his nobody girlfriend, Ben Affleck and his, Ashley Olsen and her slightly older boyfriend who she dumped for a much older one, and Demi Moore with her bizarrely-coiffed-and-bespectacled ex-husband Freddy Moore, who was ALSO 13 years older than her at the time. I'm sorry, but if they didn't grow up together, they are NOT CHILDHOOD SWEETHEARTS!! Just because one half of the couple is A CHILD, that doesn't count! I'm sorry, but I'm a stickler for these things.

There's of course a lot of Emmy fashions--Babs, Meryl, and Kirstie all bad, according to the Us style avatars; Jennifer Anniston (yawn), Sarah Jessica Parker (sigh), and Kirstin Davis (ok, she's cute and I like her)--all good. They actually liked Mischa Barton's faux flapper dress, the one that on her particularly skeletal frame looked like a combination Faberge egg/flour sack. And washed her out completely. Also more capelets, shawls, and ponchos than you can shake a really boring stick at in the "Fall's Sexy Wraps at Every Price" featurette. Lord help us, the capelets are TAKING OVER THE WORLD!

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AAAAAAAAH! Run for your lives!

Oh, and in the "Loose Talk" quotes page, there's this gem from "Flapjacks" Paltrow, on the topic of Jessica Simpson:

"I'm glad that there's one super-popular girl in America who's not drunk, sleeping with tons of people and wearing...inappropriate outfits."

GOD I HATE YOU, GWYNETH! SHUT YOUR DAMN PIEHOLE!!!

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