Monday, August 30, 2004

Ugh. The Republican Convention makes me want to curl up in the fetal position, wrap myself in a blankie, and not get out of bed until it's over. In the mean time, here's some ridiculous non-news you can't use; unfortunately, it too is RNC-related (albeit funny, funny, funny). According to Richard "Dick" Johnson:

"The dearth of A-list celebrities attending the Republican National Convention has unleashed a bevy of B-listers on the town, including former liberal Stephen Baldwin.

Though he doesn't admit to being a Republican, the actor is throwing his support to the team of George W. Bush and Dick Cheney under the banner of his new, born-again Christianity.

"I'm there to support the man I believe has the most faith. That's who I'm voting for," Baldwin told PAGE SIX's Lisa Marsh. "I believe the next president should be a guy who is being led by God. I believe there is one guy, and that's the guy I want to vote for."

The star of such screen gems as "Threesome," "Bio-Dome," and "The Sex-Monster" made his radical life-change after witnessing his wife Kennya's transformation.

"It made me curious," Baldwin admitted. "And then I jumped on the eternal bandwagon, so to speak."

With his brothers Alec and Billy still serving as staunch supporters of Democratic candidates — Alec's even floated the idea of running for office himself — the atmosphere at Baldwin family events is sure to be heavy. But, "I don't have a perception about that," Stephen said and declined to discuss his brothers further.

Interestingly, he's found a way to combine his almost 20 years of experience in the movie industry with his new-found faith. Baldwin served as co-producer, director and host of a DVD called "Livin' It," a skateboarding and BMX bike racing film.

"These are edgy, radical skateboarders who put on demonstrations and use them as a platform for evangelism," Stephen explained. "These tattooed, pierced radical guys live a lifestyle that follows the word of God and they present it in a new, edgy way. It's a Christian product that satisfies the purpose of evangelism."

After selling 50,000 DVDs in seven months, Baldwin is in talks to produce sequels that feature surfing and snowboarding.

It's through this platform that Baldwin hopes to motivate the 4 million Christian youth who didn't vote in the last election, his spokesman said."

OK, first of all, Alec Baldwin is an A-Lister, Billy Baldwin is a B-Lister, and Stephen Baldwin is a Z-lister. (The other brother is on no list at all). Stephen looks like a deranged monkey with highlights. I bet Alec is going to beat the crap out of him for becoming a born-again Christian Bush supporter. I can't help it; even though Alec probably was the worst husband in the world (to horrible Kim Basinger--a match made in the bowels of hell), even though he seems like a jerk and a weirdo (the uncontrolled rage, the custody battles), I still have a soft spot for the guy. He was great in "Miami Blues" and that movie by the Farrelly Brothers ("Outside Providence," I believe it was called) and who could forget the unmitigated GENIUS of his Saturday Night Live performances, especially as Charles Nelson Reilly on "Inside the Actor's Studio"? And now his loser younger brother (seriously, it's like their looks and smarts genes got watered down with each successive brother until you end up with that fat one I don't even want to mention); the only redeeming feature of the family as a unit was that they were total old-school Irish Democrats. And now Stephen has screwed it all up; I never thought it would be possible but he is even MORE of a human joke than before--extreme Christian skateboarding videos? WTF? Maybe he should get together with Lisa Whelchel and get Tabasco to sponser his snowboarding venture.

In other non-news, I watched most of the MTV Video Music Awards chez Tanya B. and it was the biggest snooze-fest EVER. What hath Nipplegate wrought? There was no host; Dave Chappelle got like ten seconds to do half of one joke; the most entertaining and interesting spectacle of the whole event was Wayne Coyne of the Flaming Lips bringing the award statue out while rolling over the audience in a giant plastic bubble. THAT WAS THE HIGHLIGHT!! Dullsville! Boring! Yawn! Snooze! AND WHAT WAS UP WITH BRUCE WILLIS? His hideous visage was leering into the camera every five seconds. Bruce gettin' jiggy with P. Diddy is the stuff of NIGHTMARES. And, worst of all, they cut so many "dirty" words out of the live performances that it was like listening to someone play a song for you over a cell phone while you drive through a tunnel in a mountain in the middle of nowhere during a rainstorm--annoying as hell!!! J'accuse, MTV, for putting on the lamest VMA'S of all time! J'accuse!

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