Friday, August 13, 2004

Richard "Dick" Johnson's column had a couple of interesting items. First up, MORE Andy Dick-on-a-rampage news:

"MOVE over, Courtney Love. Step aside, Tara Reid. Andy Dick may have captured the crown of celebrity dom's reigning party monster. Howard Stern shared a juicy anecdote about Dick while reading our story yesterday about Dick's vodka- fueled rampage at nightspots Suede and Plan B, where the kooky comic tried to stick his tongue down the throats of several men and women, slapped others and burst into tears over the death of his "best friend" Rick James. Stern reported that Dick, a frequent guest, once got decked by Wesley Snipes after the bisexual funny man propositioned Snipes. And we've learned that the same fate befell Dick after he did a stand-up comedy show at Washington University in St. Louis several months ago. After being ejected from an alumni dinner for smoking pot in the basement, Dick crashed a Sigma Epsilon frat party and was punched out after he grabbed a frat brother's crotch, reports The Post's Susannah Cahalan. Dick was kicked out and caught a ride home from a kindly couple, whom he invited to his hotel for a threesome. They declined."

Hee-hee. God Bless Andy Dick. I LOVE that crazy nutball! Really, though, I can't believe that with all the homo-eroticism going on at frat houses across the nation that they would be so uptight about wee Andy Dick grabbing a brother's crotch--don't they do that to each other on a daily basis? Maybe it's only OK when it's one of their own doing the crotch-grabbing. That must be it.

And in the second installment of Wesley Snipes Is A Jerk:

"PORN queen Jenna Jameson tattles on all the horny celebrities she claims have hit on her in her new book — including Cindy Crawford.

In 'How to Make Love Like a Porn Star' (ReganBooks), Jameson recounts her encounter with the supermodel, whom she met while Jameson was doing a guest-hosting stint on the E! channel. "I kept getting a weird vibe from her," writes Jameson, an avowed bisexual who's had sex with hundreds of women. "I knew what it meant, because I'd experienced it so many times before, but I kept dismissing it. It couldn't be true: she was Cindy Crawford, after all."

The X-rated icon continues: "When I turned my back . . . Cindy reached over and rubbed the back of my neck. 'Ooh,' she cooed. 'Look at your beautiful tattoo!'

"She touched my neck so softly and sensually . . . It was too much. She was so larger than life that I couldn't even imagine running my tongue along that trademark mole of hers. So I excused myself to get a drink." (Crawford, who once bought a full-page newspaper ad with then-hubby Richard Gere declaring their heterosexuality, has always maintained that she only likes men.)

On another occasion, Jameson had a run-in with "Blade" star Wesley Snipes, whose suave pickup line was, "Do you like it up the [bleep]?"

"Being a porn star, I was used to such questions," Jameson writes. "But Wesley had no idea I was a porn star. Either way, I was offended. I looked at him blankly, stood up, and walked away. That was the first and last time I ever saw him."

Bruce Willis fared only slightly better. At a party once, "He didn't say a word," Jameson recalls, "He [just] pushed me up against the wall and kissed me. After 30 seconds of passionate tongueing, he just walked away without a word."

As Jameson was leaving the bash, she writes, "A bodyguard walked up to me and said, 'Mr. Willis is waiting in his limousine.' 'He's going to be waiting a long time,' I responded. There's a fine line between confidence and arrogance, and he had crossed it."

Elsewhere in the book, co-written by former Times music critic Neil Strauss, Jameson recounts her sex sessions with the 'massively endowed' Marilyn Manson and her encounters with Nicolas Cage who smelled like 'the distilled sweat of homeless people.' "

EEWWWWWW! I have some advice for Ms. Jameson: Don't socialize with celebrities, they are scumbags! Stay with your fellow porn stars, they are a much nicer class of people. I bet none of THEM smell like "distilled sweat of homeless people." And if someone wants you to take it up the "[bleep]," at least you will GET PAID FOR IT!!!

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