Wednesday, August 18, 2004

OK I'm back. On my way home I encountered a large herd of small children wandering the streets like a mini-"Night of the Living Dead" in front of the Erwin Center. Most were very young, holding onto their mommies' hands. Sesame Street Live, I asked myself? The circus? Ice Skaters on Ice? No siree. They were all flocking to see Hillary Duff (With Special Guest Halie Duff!). What surprised me was a)Hillary Duff can fill the Erwin Center and b)these were not tweens but tiny children. I really thought her demographic was SLIGHTLY older. Was NOT surprised to see a young gay boy amongst a gaggle of girls, however.

Forgot to mention that yesterday I went to look at a gym (HA HA HA--"gym"), you know, for kicks and whatnot, and the guy who made me the smoothie that I thought was free from the way he talked about it (and then informed me was $5 if I didn't sign up for a membership AFTER he made it) told me (as I sulkily sipped the unwanted $5 smoothie) that Sandra Bullock worked out at this gym last week and that she has "a great booty." Smoothie Pimp went on to tell me that he hadn't known prior to her workout that "Sandra must have some SOUTH in her, DAMN!" I took this to mean that somehow southern women have bigger butts than their yankee counterparts (J. Lo not included, naturellement). Did not join gym. Do not want comparisons made between my booty and Sandy Bullock's while we workout and sip smoothies. Also do not want to workout. Ever.

In today's NY Times there is an interesting article about John Cameron Mitchell, who directed and starred in "Hedwig and the Angry Inch." I had heard from Terri R. that he was working on a new movie that incorporates real sex in a totally artistic/amusing/non-porn way, but there have been scant details about the project--until now! Sadly, Mr. Mitchell has only raised $60,000 so far and needs another $2 million, so it may be a while before his sex-filled masterpiece is unveiled before my highly appreciative eyes; in the mean time, some tidbits: Mitchell's father was the US military commander in West Berlin during the 1980s (hence the East/West German thing in "Hedwig"). When Mitchell came out to his father, he took it pretty well and even wore a foam wig to the "Hedwig" premiere! I think I have a crush on John Cameron Mitchell's dad! His mother sounds like a ballbuster. To read more about Mitchell and his vision quest, go:

  • HERE!

  • From the "Does This Mean I Have To Get Cable Or At Least Give Terri R. Some Money For Constantly Watching Hers?" File: There's a rumor going around that everybody's favorite All-A-Trashicans Britney Spears and Kevin Federline may POSSIBLY replace Nick-n-Jessica on MTV'S "Newlyweds" after they share their precious, holy bond with five thousand special friends (including, if there is a God, Tara Reid and Lindsay Lohan) sometime in the near future. Can you IMAGINE how incredibly awesome this would be? Just reading their interview with People was enough to almost kill me ("Oh, baby, really? Oh, baby. Baby? Really? Oh, baby!" etc etc). We could THRILL to Britney picking up a crumpled pair of short-shorts in a heap off the floor and never, ever taking them off again for the duration of the show. MARVEL as Britney orders "Baby" to the empty the Cheeto-bag-filled trashcans. FREAK OUT whenever Shar comes over with Kevin's babies. SQUEAL when Britney tackles her embarrassing, and constant, zit breakouts. FEEL SMUGLY SUPERIOR even though Britney could buy and sell all of us in a heartbeat.

    O Lord, hear my plea: We are a troubled nation. We need solace and comfort during a time of war and financial uncertainty. Lord, GIVE US THIS FREAKING TV SHOW, DAMMIT!!!

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