Monday, August 02, 2004

Oh, the humanity! Your Humble Felt Up Bloggette is not feeling tippy-top today, due to naughty Sunday night revelry of the champage variety...I'm hurting now, but it was worth it, dammit! First we started off at the movie "Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle," which was a delightful, funny, over-the-top silly treat. Afterwards, wanting to keep the Harold & Kumar good vibes going, we decided to re-group at Michele S.'s house, where she had already put a bottle of champers in the fridge and another one ready to replace it. There were four ladies of distinction in attendance, and let's just say that a very good time was had by all. At last count, we had purchased seven bottles of champagne (o lord, did we consume EVERY one of them? no wonder I'm feeling under the weather!). Towards the end of our impromptu soiree, Steve M. returned, like the Prodigal Son, from his bacchanalian trip to Las Vegas. Bravo, Michele S., The Hostess With the Mostest!

Now, on to the non-news! Richard "Dick" Johnson reported today in his Page Six column that:

"Ronnie James Dio, the ex-front man of Black Sabbath who has fronted Dio since 1983, is showing the power of the dark side. The rock singer, who claims to have invented the Devil Horns (the universal hand sign for heavy metal), sent his lawyers after Dios, an unknown Hawthorne, Calif., band, which only just released its first album on Brooklyn's own Startime International label in March. By May, Dio was all over Dios (which means "god" in Spanish). The group was sent a notice to cease and desist, citing trademark infringement and saying that "the public" would be confused by the similar names. "At first, it was funny and interesting and cute, [then] it got annoying," Dios singer Joel Morales told The Post's Mary Huhn. "The reasons were ridiculously dumb — it would confuse the public. I didn't know [Dio] still had a public." But the younger, sunnier Dios caved and changed its name to Dios Malos (Bad God). "

Well, it all sounds entirely reasonable to ME. People are easily confused, and are constantly misusing apostrophes. When you are the inventor of the Devil Horns, you have to look out for your interests, because think about how much money Dio lost over THAT. The mind boggles. So, it's really only common sense to make sure these young punks don't deceive the public about trying to totally rip off Ronnie James Dio. When you are the man, the legend, that is Dio, you can't be too careful.

And, from the "I Heart Wild, Cheap Actresses on a Rampage" File:

"Tara Reid is once again tipsily terrorizing the streets of New York. Pedestrians on Houston Street got an eyeful earlier this week when Reid, a passenger in a black Range Rover, decided to give everyone an impromptu peep show. "Tara was wearing a green dress and leaning out the window of the Range Rover with her new [breasts exposed], screaming her head off," laughed our spy. The next day a hungover Reid jetted off to Sardinia to join some socialite pals on vacation."

This needs no commentary, its genius simply speaks for itself.

And, finally, from the "Oh, What Magic Might Have Been" file:

"Can't wait to see Christina Aguilera on the silver screen? Well, you'll have to. Although Aguilera met with the producers of "Valley of the Dolls," she's not doing it. "She's concentrating on her album," her rep told us. Betty Thomas, who directed the classic "Private Parts," is helming the remake of the 1967 pill-popping potboiler (based on the Jacqueline Susann trashterpiece) about three young women in show business."

NO! I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE CHRISTINA AGUILERA ON THE SILVER SCREEN! Putting aside that "Valley of the Dolls" is one of the finest achievements in the history of Cinema and needs remaking about as much as I need another glass of champagne, I really hate it when a report comes out saying what someone is NOT going to do; why taunt us? Why haunt our dreams? I wonder if Christina was up for the Patty Duke part. O, why have thou forsaken us, Christina? Why? And who in the non-Howard Stern-world would call "Private Parts" a classic?

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