Friday, August 27, 2004

The new Vice magazine is out, and as usual, I have mixed feelings about it. On the one hand, Vice is somewhat loathesome: so hipper than thou, even as it puts down "hipsters," so mean to the poor people unlucky enough to have their pictures commented on, so incredibly New Yawk. But on the other hand, it is often very, very funny. And free. This new issue is all "Dos & Don'ts," and I have to say that I agreed with 99% of what they said, such as "Gents over 30! Do you realize that the 18-year-old girl that you are dating makes you look like the biggest creep in the world? All decent men hate you." Also: "Men who do any kind of serious grooming at all are fucking losers. Highlights, gel, eyebrow plucking, chest waxing, pedicures (shudder)--all that shit is totally unacceptable at any age." And how about: "If you listen carefully, you'll never hear straight guys say the aren't into fat chicks. 'She's too fat' is the kind of thing gay guys and mean girls say. Real men could care less." (Oh, would that that be true!) The one thing I didn't go for: "Women may not paint their toenails any color darker than pink. All this bloodred and brown is making us barf, so please stop." Yeah, I don't think so, Vice magazine. My tootsies are currently "Perchance Milady, Mightn't I Have A Wee Cranberry Scone" or somesuch nonsense from the good people at OPI and their faux English line of fall colors. So barf away, not that I will be traipsing through Brooklyn while barefoot anytime soon. Otherwise, good job. Apparently they have put out a whole book out of just the photos with the mean/funny captions; like a train wreck, I may not be able to look away...

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