Wednesday, August 04, 2004

It's another sad and pathetic non-news day, I'm afraid. Here's what I've got: Nick Carter is vehemently denying he beat up Paris Hilton. Again. If he didn't do it, then I want some honest soul to step forward and proudly proclaim to the world that not only did they beat up Paris Hilton BUT THEY ENJOYED IT AND WOULD DO IT AGAIN IF GIVEN HALF A CHANCE! Because THAT would be refreshingly honest. Here's a fun thought: What if her bruises came from a catfight that got "caught" on video and is on its way right now to the internet, where it will be available for purchase for just $19.99? Wouldn't THAT be awesome? Paris and Bijou Phillips in a hair-pulling contest? Paris and Tara Reid in drunken barroom brawl? Paris and Brittany Murphy gettin' all craaaazzzy? Anyway, the Nick Carter thing is somewhat hard for me to believe--surely he had ample opportunity to beat her up while they were dating. Now, I don't mean to make light of a possible domestic violence issue, obviously. But it's PARIS HILTON!!! I want to hit her on a daily basis, that's all I'm saying. Of course, I'm a girl. But then so is Nick Carter. BA-DUM-DUM! (Thank you ladies and germs. Try the veal, etc.)

The only other interesting report today was that Mary Kay Letourneau, the teacher who bore two children by her 12-year-old student/lover (he gave new meaning to the word BOYfriend!) was released from prison today. She served six and a half years for violating her parole....by going straight to her special friend the first chance she got and having sex with him in a car. And getting CAUGHT IN THE ACT!

But she has paid her debt to society, and is now a free woman. Things may get ugly for poor Mary Kay, however. According to CNN: "A small crowd gathered outside the prison gates on Tuesday night -- a few families and some rowdy teenage boys flaunting signs that said 'I'm 18, Baby' and 'Take Me Home' for the TV cameras."

Now that's just plain rude, I say. Teenage boys! So immature! So rowdy! So...impossible to resist, if you are Mary Kay Letourneau!

When asked if she would try to "reconnect" with her now 21-year-old former flame, LeTourneau replied:

" 'I'm not allowing myself to think about being with him...We had a beautiful relationship, and I value it for what it was.' "

Yes, crazy lady. You do that. Value that beautiful relationship for what it was: CRAZY!!! Oh, Mary Kay. Where will life take you next? Hopefully to a big, fat book deal. I've got a birthday coming up in a few months...

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