Thursday, August 19, 2004

I don't usually interject much of my own life--such as it is--into Felt Up: The Blog, as I am not, in fact, famous--but in the spirit of the Olympics, I thought I'd share my own recent sports triumph. Tuesday was Terri R.'s birthday, so a few of us ladies of distinction went out and got pretty plastered in her honor. We ended up at an Irish bar, in a corner booth with long wooden benches. I was telling a HILARIOUS story about the time I was doing some living-room karaoke (as is my wont) and was interrupted by my friends' roommate and his girlfriend walking in smack dab in the middle of my patented Mick Jagger impersonation--rooster walk, strut, strut, turn, do the splits--in the middle of "Sympathy for the Devil." So the ladies and I were discussing the relative difficulty of pulling off the splits at our ripe old age when I thought: Hey! I'm wearing the SAME slit-up-the-sides skirt I was wearing while doing the Mick Jagger routine...I could do a demonstration right here in the bar, on this bench! IT. COULD. WORK. And voila! I was doing the Barroom Splits (not to be confused with the Ballroom Blitz). This was the dreaded "Chinese Splits," mind you (sorry, I don't know the P.C. name for it). I also did a left splits for good measure. Ursula F. has the proof on her digital camera. And the real miracle is that I'm not even sore! Sure, I lost a tiny bit of my dignity, but it was worth it! For Terri R.! For America! Do you believe in unlikelihoods? THE DREAM IS ALIVE!! U.S.A.! U.S.A.! U.S.A.!!! (Cue national anthem. Flag raising. Tears of joy.)

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