Wednesday, August 04, 2004

From the "Seventh Level of Hell" file: reported today that people in Vermont are rightly freaking out about the Phish farewell concert scheduled for August 14-15 at the Newport State Airport, where 70,000 Phish-heads are expected to bid a fond adieu to one of the worst bands in the history of mankind:

"Local residents met with police and promoters Monday to discuss the two-day festival. Most questions from the audience during the two-hour meeting focused on traffic, which [Vermont State Police Major] Dimmick, town selectmen and concert promoters acknowledged was going to be the biggest problem...

State police also expect to make arrests, Dimmick said, but past Phish festivals have shown little in the way of crime. Most crimes occur on the site and are usually for stolen items or property damage.

There also will likely be drug arrests, but Dimmick said, 'We are not going to arrest everybody who has a joint. There's no way we can do that.'"

Ha! "Little in the way of crime?" What about crimes against good taste? Against humanity? There are few things that I would like to see less than this concert. Can you imagine? A two-day-long PHISH JAM? I am shuddering right now at the thought. SHUDDERING! If for some reason I was kidnapped and forced at gunpoint to go to said Phish farwell festival, I would, of course, have to take massive quantities of las drugas just to maintain some small semblance of sanity. (How's that for alliteration?) At least the pigs seem to have a firm grasp on the incredible SCALE of pot-smoking that will be going on at this thing. Oh, god. I'm still shuddering. I feel so cold. So very cold...

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