Friday, August 13, 2004

From the "Remind Me Never To Apply for THAT Job" File: Naomi Campbell--supermodel, giantess, habitual maid-beater--is in trouble again. No, not for being preternaturally annoying, but for--what else?--beating up another lowly underling:

"Supermodel Naomi Campbell is being sued for assault by her former assistant - only days after she was accused of brutally slapping her maid. Simone Craig claims she was held hostage by the English beauty in a Los Angeles hotel in 2001 and is due to file assault charges against Campbell in a New York court next month. According to her lawyer, the ex-assistant is seeking millions of dollars after suffering "psychological and emotional damage". These new allegations come shortly after Campbell was investigated by New York police for allegedly beating her maid Millicent Burton last Saturday. The 34-year-old model denies the allegations against her. Four years ago, the beauty was sentenced to attend anger-management classes after striking her personal assistant Georgina Galanis with a mobile phone in 1998." (IMDB)

Can you IMAGINE being Naomi Campbell's assistant? CAN YOU? The constant "mobile" calls at 4am, demanding to know what happened to her cocaine/manwhore/fur coat/sanity? The screaming? The craaaaaaazzziness? The beatings? The accent?

Oh, Naomi. I KNOW how difficult it is to be a gorgeous, universally-loathed woman with a perfect body and a fat bank account, but you just have to buck up. You have to try and NOT lash out at "the little people" who surround you, grasping, always grasping for more. It is simply not lady-like. Try to rise above.

Terri R. sent me one of those Zen-type questions that aims to open up your mind to new ways of thinking and looking at the world and oneself: If Catherine Zeta-Jones were to get into a catfight with Naomi Campbell, who would win? Well, I told Terri R. that if I were a betting woman (and I am), I would lay my money on...CZJ. Because even though Naomi has probably a foot or so on CZJ, is a ton more muscle-y, and is crrrraaaaaaazzzzzy, my faith in CZJ's innate desire to win at all costs, her meanness, and her ability to claw her way over the scrapheap of humanity to get where she wants to be, well, it has no bounds. My money is on Lady Zeta-Jones, all the way.

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