Thursday, August 12, 2004

CELEBRITY RUN AMOK ALERT!!!Hooray! Apparently Andy Dick went berserk in NYC, and Richard "Dick" Johnson has all the gory details:

"TV comic Andy Dick went on a randy rampage at Suede early yesterday that ended after he burst into tears over the death of his friend Rick James and was thrown out of the Chelsea club by "Little Shop of Horrors" star Joey Fatone.

Dick, the star of MTV's "The Assistant," was desperately in need of a minion to get him under control as he tried to kiss any man or woman he bumped into, including "Austin Powers" actor Seth Green, rolled around on the men's room floor, and asked clubgoers if they had cocaine.

The vodka and cranberry-swilling comic then barricaded himself in Suede's dishwashing room and began sobbing uncontrollably about James, who died last week, reports an eyewitness who witnessed the meltdown. 'My best friend is dead!' Dick wailed. 'He's gone! He's dead! You don't understand! All my best friends die!'

Dick then handed a dishwasher a stack of $100 bills so he could "live in the room." When Fatone — whom Dick taunted as "Fat One" — and Suede owner Eytan Sugarman tried to coax him to leave, Dick said, 'You don't want to push me around, because I'm perfectly capable of doing this' — and punched an unidentified friend standing next to him in the face.

Finally, Fatone, the former *NSYNC member who co-hosts a Tuesday night party at Suede with promoter Brandon Marcel, dragged the blubbering Dick outside with the help of Sugarman and loaded him into a cab in front of a crowd that included Green, Mets outfielder Cliff Floyd and MTV veejay Vanessa Minnillo. Green was overheard sputtering, 'That guy tried to kiss me,' as Dick was hauled past him.

But Dick's rowdy romp wasn't over yet. The former "News Radio" star, who has battled drug and alcohol abuse in the past, headed downtown to Plan B on Avenue B and promptly commenced smooching and slapping the people inside.

'He was obviously obliterated,' Plan B co-owner Josh Boyd told us. 'He jumped on the back of Jason Battle, my co-owner, and kept trying to kiss him. Then he started getting violent and bitch-slapping people.

'We finally quarantined him and put him in a separate room. But then he slipped outside and skipped out on his $300 bar tab. The last anyone saw of him, he was rolling around the street on Avenue B.'"

AWEsome, totally AWEsome! OK, a few comments. First of all, note that Andy Dick says that Rick James was his "best friend." Could this possibly be true? Sure, they had the cocaine in common, and the funk factor, but...oh who cares? It's so AWEsome! I also love that he kept calling Joey Fatone "Fat One," tried to bribe a dishwasher so he could live "in the room," and was running around kissing and/or bitch-slapping everyone in sight. AND that he has the great and terible ignominy of being thown out of a club by a former NSyncer! By the way, I usually love Seth Green, but what the hell is HIS problem? Is he afraid his manliness will be called into question just because Andy Dick tried to kiss him? What man has NOT been kissed by Andy Dick? It's a badge of honor, in my book. I mean, Green played James St. James in "Party Monster," he should be a little more tolerant. Oh, well. I'm too giddy to care. Hee hee! Ha ha! I heart Andy Dick! Now, THAT'S what I call a celebrity rampage! Yahoo!!

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