Monday, July 26, 2004

Sorry, my little chickadees (all five of you), but it is SLIM PICKINS' in the celeb-non-news department today. I mean, do I give a crap what the new "Star Wars" travesty is going to be called? (It's "Revenge of the Sith" for you nerds that DO care.) Even the Liza/David Guest divorce case has been put on hold until their little "she hit me and now I can't leave Hawaii" lawsuit gets cleared up. Hurry up, dammit! I want the divorce case to start in earnest, and I want ALL the most intimate details of their short-lived-but-fascinatingly-insane marriage, and I want them NOW! And where is the footage from their short-lived-but-fascinatingly-insane REALITY SHOW????It's so tantalizing I can't stand it.

The only remotely interesting thing was about Courteny Love, naturuellement...

From the IMDB:

"Troubled rocker Courtney Love surrendered to Los Angeles police on Friday - two weeks after a warrant for her arrest regarding an assault charge was issued. The former Hole singer failed to appear at an arraignment hearing last week following the incident in April where she is alleged to have attacked a woman at the home of ex-lover Jim Barber with a bottle and a torch. Love... has spent the past few days in a New York hospital suffering from an undisclosed gynecological condition but returned to Los Angeles to face police. And officers say Love was extremely well-behaved when she arrived. Captain Pat Findley of the LA police department said, 'She was extremely co-operative. She was pleasant. She was very coherent.' "

Gee, she was coherent? Congratulations crazy lady! You were coherent as you turned yourself to the police! Break out the champagne! No, wait, don't do that. Forget I said it.

Now, the careful reader of the above report will notice a word that caused your humble Felt Up Bloggette a raised eyebrow moment, and that word is "torch." The IMDB "reporter" (who apparently scrounges the internet for other people's gossip and regurgitates it--how lame is that? No, wait, it's really, REALLY cool and quite difficult) is a pale Brit, I believe, and so the word "torch" is open to a bit of interpretation. In England "torch" means "flashlight," but of course here in the US "torch" COULD mean "blow torch" or "Frankenstein-townspeople-carrying-lit-bundles-of-sticks." I am going to go with "flashlight," but isn't it nice to speculate about some lady being attacked by a deranged, botoxed, duck-lipped, drugged-out, blow-torch-and-bottle-wielding Courtney Love? EEEK!

No comments: