Monday, July 19, 2004

Oy, it's a slow non-news day. Sure, Arnie "The Gubernator" made some silly comments about California Democrats being "girlie men," which got their underpants all bunched up (yes, it's an inane and totally Ahnuld thing to do and say--and not even HIS line, it was from SNL) but do they really expect any better from this man? Do they expect eloquence, "Four Score and Seven Years Ago"-type speechifying, from this goon? He's an absolutely insane, egomaniacal, lecherous Nazi dickwad who has turned his once-intelligent wife into an anorexic slobbering fool and who once made fun of/cursed out hearing-impaired Lou Ferrigno in front of his parents ON FILM ("Pumping Iron"). Anyway, what's to get worked up about?

But I did see this in Richard "Dick" Johnson's column:

"CONVINCING a dwarf to pose in a nude fashion layout is no small feat. Just ask the staff at hipster glossy Another Magazine, which launched a frenzied search last week to find an immodest male midget to star in a shoot with a batch of scantily clad Click agency models, lensed by photographer Alexi Hay. At the 11th hour, Craig Lechner's Impossible Casting delivered Little Jimmy, an emcee at the Coney Island Circus Side show, who just happens to hire himself out for bachelorette parties as a mini- male stripper. (He also ap peared as an Oompa Loompa in the 1971 classic, "Willy Wonka and the Choco late Factory.") "He's in his 60s, but he's a stud," Lechner told us. "He looks great." Ironically, Impossible Casting was also recently tapped to find a giant for a fashion spread in an upcoming issue of Italian Vogue. The agency came up with former wrestler Radu, a 7-foot-plus Russian who is making his big screen debut this fall as a villain in the new "Pink Panther" movie, which stars Steve Martin."

The end of civilization as we know it is upon us. Buy some canned food, a candle, bottled water, get your Netflix, and never venture out of your home. Ever again. That's what I plan to do, anyway. Although I WILL have to buy a copy of Another Magazine and Italian Vogue...hmmm...OK, but just that, and then I will run home and never leave. I mean it.

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