Wednesday, July 21, 2004

OK, I am BACK. And what do I find when I return from (more) southern climes? Oh, just that Stephen Hawking has rejected his entire theory of black holes, that's all. Now, you may not know it to look at her, but your humble Felt Up Blogette spends quite a bit of her time pondering such issues as "If I were to shove Celine Dion into a black hole, would she disappear entirely; get spit out in some even more hideous, mangled form; or merely get tranferred into a whole new universe, which she could rule with an even tinier fist and perhaps even a longer face?" I used to think that it was the last answer, but nooooooooo, Mr. Stephen Hawking says it's actually the second one. At least she would be mangled beyond recognition. Here's a brief intro from the page one story in the NY Times:

Hawking Says He Was Wrong About Black Holes

"DUBLIN, Ireland (AP) -- After 29 years of thinking about it, Stephen Hawking says he was wrong about black holes. The renowned Cambridge University physicist presented a paper Wednesday arguing that black holes, the celestial vortexes formed from collapsed stars, preserve traces of objects swallowed up and eventually could spit bits out ``in a mangled form.''

Hawking's radical new thinking caps his three-decade struggle to explain a paradox in scientific thinking: How can objects really ``disappear'' inside a black hole and leave no trace, as he long believed, when subatomic theory says matter can be transformed but never fully destroyed?"

How, indeed? Gee, you go to San Antonio for a few hours and come back to find that your entire theory of the universe has been turned upside down--like when I saw Tori Spelling's wedding on the cover of People magazine instead of the death of Marlon Brando. I still haven't recovered from THAT one. However, the article goes on to say that there were skeptics in the audience who scoffed at Hawking's radical re-thinking. And because of his debillitating illness and whatnot, they could only ask him two questions in the half-hour follow-up to his presentation. Maybe he will some day be proved wrong. I say that instead of sending up a perfect sphere to test Einstein's theories, we send up Celine Dion to test Hawking's! There's GOT to be a black hole somewhere nearby...ooh, that opens me up for a whole lot of naughty jokes, but I am taking the high road on this one. Oh, all right. How about we send Celine deep inside Whitney Houston and see if there really is a "crack" in the universal space/time continuum? (Sound of rim shot.) Thank you, ladies and germs, I'll be here all week. Try the veal!

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