Tuesday, July 06, 2004

Note to Terri "You Haven't Blogged In Two Days, One of Which Was a National Holiday" R., today's blog is one of my longest ever! Take that!

Found this (National Enquirer) and giggled:

"Let's NOT be "Friends," meowed mega-divas Julia Roberts and Catherine Zeta-Jones -- who secretly raked sharp kitty-claws all over Brad Pitt when he tried to make "Ocean's Twelve" a "baker's dozen" by finagling a cameo for wife Jennifer Aniston! Jen surprised hubby by flying to Paris, where he's lensing the "Ocean's Eleven" sequel, and The Hunkmeister was suddenly inspired to make a longtime fantasy come true -- snare a role for wifey so they could appear in a movie together for the first time! Director Steven Soderbergh and producers loved the idea, cautioned Brad to keep it hush-hush, then consulted Roberts and Zeta-Jones -- who immediately shrilled: NO WAY! The two have feuded nonstop during filming, can barely tolerate each other -- and hissed at the idea of a female rival using their flick as a stepping-stone from TV to the Bigtime! Even though Brad's a major star, Zeta- Jones' career is sizzling and Julia is still The Queen -- so Soderbergh and company fed Brad some smooth Hollywood schmooze about how there just wasn't anything "right" for Jennifer -- and how her stardom might actually be a "distraction." (Uh-huh! Welcome to Spin City, suckah!)"

I don't know who wrote the above piece of genius non-journalism, but kudos sir or madam, kudos! Another three-way catfight, yahoo! A piece of advice to Jen and Julia: DO NOT STAND IN THE WAY OF CATHERINE ZETA-JONES! She will tear you two mamby-pamby weaklings to shreds with her bare hands! She's not to be trifled with, and you should treat her with the same terrified respect you would give a cheetah or wild boar. Back off, slooowwwly, sloooowwwly, and do NOT feed the animal! Run for your lives! AAAAAHHHH!

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