Tuesday, July 27, 2004

Ecch. There's still a dearth of non-news today; I think it's the summer doldrums or something. Here's one teeny-weeny thing I thought was fairly amusing, from the IMDB:

"Comic-turned-chat show host Ellen DeGeneres is considering dragging Brittany Murphy and her mother onto her hit program to give them a lie detector test about the actress' early speech skills. Guests like Sharon Stone and Christina Ricci have poured scorn on Murphy's claims that she could talk at four-months-old, and now DeGeneres is keen to help the actress prove she's not lying. Former Mensa student Stone, who is one of the cleverest actresses in Hollywood, insists Murphy is either talking about 'baby talk' or she has a good imagination. The Basic Instinct beauty recently suggested on DeGeneres' show, 'That's why she's an actress - because she has an imagination.' But Ellen wants to give Murphy the chance to back her claims up: 'We're gonna have her and her mother on and hook them up to lie detector tests.'

I have a better idea: How about we get craaaazy Sharon Stone and craaaazy Brittany Murphy into a "Who's Craaaaazier" contest? They could do a sort of obstacle course: Leaping over a trail of ex-boyfriends/husbands, they would wade through a giant tub of little pills, skip through a "diet jungle," jump up and down with WAY TOO MUCH pep, flush their careers down a symbolic toilet, and then whoever sings loudest back-up with Liza wins. Then, and only then, the winner gets to have a highly intellectual debate with Christina "I Used to Be Cute" Ricci.

Sorry, even though Brittany has a fine future of wacked-out, speed-freaky behavior before her, my money is on Madame Stone to CRUSH her like the itsy-bitsy, anorexic, insane twig that she is. I have a few rules I live by, and one of them is always bet on Sharon Stone in a craziness contest. Also, I NEVER, EVER want to meet Sharon Stone in a dark alley. (The other is that I NEVER, EVER want to come between Catherine Zeta-Jones and the limelight.)

Can I also mention that I am so very, very tired of hearing about La Stone's high IQ and her membership in Mensa? Where is the proof? Does she carry around an IQ test? (The answer: YES.) I suppose if extreme wackiness is the only qualification for Mensa, then fine, I can accept that. I am getting a bit peeved in general at these celebs trying to prove they are not just smart, but GENIUS-LEVEL smart. Jessica "I Don't Eat Buffalo" Simpson's mother claims she tested 160 in a fifth-grade IQ test. RIGHT. And of course we have the Brittany Murphy "I spoke at 4 months" claim above. (I believe it, but only if her first words were "me so crazy.") I swear, can't celebs just a)try and at least pretend to be humble, or b)SHUT UP? (The answer: NO.) Here's a modest proposal: Let's put all these "genius" celebs like Jessica, Sharon, and Brittany, up against the Jeopardy Guy and see what happens...(The answer: THEY DISMEMBER AND EAT HIM.) Eeeek! Run for your lives!

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