Friday, July 09, 2004

Another pretty slow non-news day. Did see these two funny quotes in the NY Post:

"If 12,000 Easter bunnies have to die for me to keep my mustache on straight or if one monkey has to die to cure cancer — then so be it. I am not against animals. I have animals and they are all stuffed. But, really, Iraq is more important to me than veal" — John Waters on Artnet.com "

Well, I totally agreee. If a hundred gazillion Easter bunnies had to die to keep John Waters' mustache on straight, then so be it. His mustache is what keeps me going, what gives me a reason to get up in the morning, to carry on in the face of world-wide catastrophe. And I LOVE Easter bunnies. I'm totally PRO-bunnies. I'm just MORE pro-John Waters' mustache. I'm not going to take a stand on the monkey/cancer issue because I'm simply not well-informed enough.

"BECAUSE of Bush's tax cuts, I saved a million and a half in taxes last year. Does anyone think that's fair?" — Ben Affleck at a John Kerry fund-raiser."

I think that's funny on a number of levels, the funniest being that if he hadn't ruined his career by going out with J-Lo, he probably would have paid a LOT MORE TAXES. They can't tax what you aren't earning, Mr. Gigli, did you ever think of that? At least he's a Democrat. Lucky us!

In other non-news, Terri R., Michele S. and her dog O., and I went to see the premiere of "Anchorman" at Waterloo Park last night. Now, I love the Alamo Drafthouse, and I ended up having a wonderful time, but the website clearly stated that if you bought a VIP advanced ticket you would be "guaranteed a seat." By which I inferred that there would be chairs of some kind. Now, anyone who has even a casual aquaintance with the Felt Up bloggette knows that she is not exactly Nature Girl. So you can imagine my chagrin (I can't keep up the third person thing, it's exhausting) when I found out that there were no chairs whatsoever and we would, in fact, be sittinng on the ground. I mean, I've been known to complain bitterly about the uncomfortable seating at the Village Alamo (not to mention the angled-by-the-devil seats in the Dobie Egyptian Tomb-themed theater), and I was actually worried that the chairs provided would be the folding/wedding kind that make your butt hurt in about twenty-two seconds. But no chairs at all? I don't want to sound like a world-class wimp; it's just that I had certain expectations, and hadn't prepared myself mentally or physically for such adventures--or brought a portable La-Z-Boy, comfy pillow, hair-dryer, mini-fan--or in fact taken ANY steps to ensure a modicum of outdoor comfort. I was also wearing a skirt.

Luckily Michele S. had a (small) blanket for the dog, but this event lasted several hours: pre-show announcements, wistful musings on '70s tv broadcasting by local Fox News anchor Dick Ellis (who is a lot tanner in person than he appears on tv), trivia contest (Aha! I won the best prize!), then an hour-long soft-rock set by local Felt Up faves Summer Breeze (AWEsome!), and THEN the movie. So that's a long time to be so close to nature. By the end of the evening there were ants in places no ant had ventured before (I hope). Not to be too graphic, but James Brown's "I've Got Ants in My Pants (And I Need To Dance)" would have been an appropriate soundtrack for most of the evening. Also there were only two porta-potties, which forced Michele S. and I to run across the street to the hospital for "bladder emergencies" to avoid missing the movie.

Other than those issues, though, the night was prettty damn fun. "Anchorman" was hysterical; I don't want to spoil anything, but let's just say that I had never properly considered the concept of "jazz flute" before. I may have to see it again soon in a regular theater, because there was a tree blocking part of the screen, and the screen itself was inflatable and kept swaying and warping in a disturbing acid-trippy way that kind of freaked me out a little and distracted me somewhat from the non-stop comedy high-jinks. The movie is chock full of funny cameos--ALL the usual funny suspects, I will say no more--and great performancees from Will "I Can Just Stand There and Be Funny" Ferrell, Christina Applegate, Stephen Correll (of "The Daily Show"), Paul Rudd, and of course Fred Willard. Go see "Anchorman," for God's sake, and bring your bug repellent.

PS: FYI: When trying to win a giant outdoors trivia contest, it's best to shout out the answer BEFORE they can finish the question. Unfair? Maybe. Evil genius? YES. Sometimes the two go hand-in-hand.

No comments: