Felt Up EXCLUSIVE! Fresh News From the Quaids Frontline

(image via aarontodd)

Except for a recent wee tidbit about crazy old Randy Quaid and his nutso wife Evi getting unsuccessfully extradited from Texas to California to face "defrauding an innkeeper" charges, there has been a woeful lack of Quaids Crisis news of late. There has been such a dearth that I have been forced to read about crap like this.

So imagine my delight when a) a little bird sent me this super-hot tip from deep in the heart of Crazy Quaidsville, USA and b) I realized that I could say the phrase "Felt Up can report EXCLUSIVELY" that a mutual friend of mine and the bird just returned from Marfa, Texas and filed this urgent report:

Got to Marfa on Friday, saw Randy Quaid almost immediately. They are currently remodeling a building on main street and are in a war with the other owners. Literally, while we were there, the wife put a ladder against the building, climbed on the roof and cut the neighbor's dish tv power line. Sheriff came, people driving down the street telling her to "get the f**k out of marfa". We watched it all from the Paisano across the street. The drama went on for two days. AWESOME.

Huzzah! A feudin' and a fussin' QUAIDS style, man. I wonder if this is why formerly sober brother Dennis Quaid has gone off the wagon in a big way?

What Did You Drew?

Has anyone noticed that Felt Up close personal friend Drew Barrymore has suddenly morphed into Kate Winslet? Take a look:


(image via cbs)


(image via awful plastic surgery)


(image via cbs)

Sure, she's lost weight and probably "drinks water and does yoga" blah blah blah, but her eyes are a completely different shape and she looks way more like Kate Winslet than herself. It's freaking me out!

Drew, call me!

Unvoluptious Vixens Vie For Vampire Viking

(image via radar)

Just recently Felt Up posted that every good and decent person's favorite "True Blood" vampire Alexander Skarsgard was getting it on with costar Evan Rachel Wood, former inappropriately-aged paramour of Marilyn Manson. But now Radar is reporting that he's making time with his Straw Dogs co-star Kate "Sometimes Healthy, Sometimes A Death's Head" Bosworth:

It looked like true love was in the air for True Blood star Alexander Skarsgard Saturday night at the Spike TV Scream Awards.

RadarOnline.com saw the Best Villain Award winner and Kate Bosworth acting like quite the happy couple backstage and they were spotted trying hard not to be seen together at the Chateau Marmont after the event.

Kate presented the award to her True Blood honey. When we asked the petite actress where she and Alexander met she told us "On the movie", referring to Straw Dogs, the movie they just finished filming together.

Kate looked gorgeous in an Alexander Wang dress and Alexander McQueen shoes (wait a minute, do we see an Alexander obsession here?) and backstage at the award show she and Alexander were very sweet together. The couple was very affectionate, holding hands as Alexander played with Kate' hair while they chatted with friends in the green room.

Kate and Alexander hugged a few times and were often spotted whispering to each other. As Alexander left the green room to go on stage gave Kate playfully slapped him on his butt a few times and said "Go, go, go."

The golden haired couple was spotted at a Britney Spears concert in Louisiana last September but a rep claimed -- you guessed it -- they were "just friends."

Right!

Puke!

Although none of these starlets are good enough for the viking prince of darkness--and apparently he likes 'em ultra bony--boooo!--I do like that he's playing the field and not getting tied down by any one of these young misses (at least not yet). He is Sweden's Sexiest Man, for God's sake. He should sow his Hollywood oats!

Mime Is Money

On last night's season premiere of "Nip/Tuck" there was:

One jarring replacement of the actress who played Teddy, the possible grifter/definite drug fiend/anaesthesiologist/girlfriend of Dr. Sean McNamara, with terrible facelift recipient/homewrecker Rose MacGowan.

One awesome voiceover narration by Felt Up fave rave Ms. Linda Hunt.

One unceremonious dumping of semi-lesbian Dr. Liz by a now-in-remission Dr. Christian Troy.

One pissed-off semi-lesbian Dr. Liz hiring a blind bulldog lawyer played by Mr. Barry Bostwick to sue Dr. Christian Troy for divorce and take one-half of everything he has, all of which he put under her name when he thought he was dying of breast cancer.

One financial crisis turning Dr. Sean McNamara into an anxious, sleepless wreck and Dr. Christian Troy into a spendthrift shopaholic yacht buyer.

One creepy Michael Jackson-lookalike son Matt becoming a MIME.

One return of the plastic surgeon played by Mario Lopez and his vaginal rejuvenation golden goose to McNamara/Troy. (See NSFW photo at "bottom" of this post for a screen shot of Mario Lopez and Dr. Christian Troy having a super-homoerotic shower on a previous episode.)

One infomercial for the "vaginal uplift" starring Mario Lopez, Drs. McNamara and Troy, and Kimber, Dr. Christian Troy's former fiancee/daughter-in-law/porn star/infant plastic surgery pusher.

One dejected mime turning to a probable life of crime in mime makeup.

One desperate Dr. Christian Troy almost succombing to the old "hold your pee pee and describe it to the blind divorce lawyer" ruse.

One scene of Rose MacGowan proposing marriage to a conflicted, uncertain, and sleepless Dr. Sean McNamara, who of course says "yes."

One scene of Rose MacGowan pushing sleeping pills on Dr. Sean McNamara, who takes some and promptly goes into some kind of a coma.

THE END.

This season on "Nip/Tuck" there will be a mime crime spree, prescription drug addiction, sex, violence, naughty language, graphic scenes of plastic surgery set to hilarious background music, and here's hoping, more homoerotic tension between these two:


(image via justjared)

Joan!

Christina Hendricks, who plays the most intriguing and awesomest character on "Mad Men," Joan, the former secretary/former mistress of Roger "The Silver Fox" Sterling/current head of Bonwit Teller's dress department/current wife of a terrible doctor and rapist, just got married in real life, and she naturally looked incredible:


(image via people magazine)


According to People:

Christina Hendricks married fiancé Geoffrey Arend at Il Buco restaurant in New York on Sunday, PEOPLE has confirmed.

The redheaded Hendricks, 34, and actor Arend, 31, were engaged earlier this year after being introduced by her Mad Men costar Vincent Kartheiser. Hendricks plays the voluptuous Joan on the show.

Vincent Kartheiser plays Pete Campbell, by the way.

Even though it makes this makes it a wee bit harder for men (and women) to continue their elaborate Joan fantasies, I'm glad Ms. Hendricks is happy. Now, FOR GOD'S SAKE, PRODUCERS OF MAD MEN, GET JOAN MORE SCREEN TIME. WE ARE A NATION AT WAR!

UPDATE:
Here's a better wedding photo:


(image via dlisted)

Look at that skin! That hair! That glorious rack!

Swoon!

Bummer News--Austin Edition

(image via gingersmurf on photobucket)

Your humble Felt Up blogette just found out that Leslie Cochran, local legendary homelss thong afficianado and bon vivant, has been in the hospital since October 3, when he collapsed in the street. According to KXAN:

Austin's own local celebrity, Leslie Cochran, collapsed on Oct. 3 and, according to sources, was still at University Medical Center Brackenridge with injuries, Friday.

EMS officials said an ambulance was called to the scene after a witness saw Leslie acting oddly on the sidewalk. The call came in around 12:50 a.m. on Oct. 3. Leslie then fell in front of a taxi. When EMS arrived on the scene, medics say he was already unconscious.

EMS called ahead for a trauma team to meet Leslie when he arrived at Brackenridge Hospital. Officials at the hospital declined to confirm he was there, citing rules against official release of information; but two sources close to the hospital have confirmed he was still there on Friday.

A woman who said she was a good friend of Leslie said she tried to see him Monday, but hospital officials would not let her see him.

When asked Friday during a telephone interview if she knew whether or not Leslie was still unconscious, the woman, who wished to remain anonymous, replied, "He would have called me had he woken up...."

Leslie, 58, is "arguably the most locally famous street person in Austin" according to his Wikipedia article. He is often seen downtown wearing women's clothing, and has run for mayor. He is a staunch advocate for the rights of homeless people.

It's not uncommon for folks visiting downtown to approach Leslie for photographs with the scantily clad man. He almost always obliges.

Leslie is so popular, he even has his own line of dress-up refrigerator magnets that can be purchased at stores across Austin. The paper-doll-style magnet set includes a mini-skirt, a cheerleader outfit and leopard print dress, with accessories, that you can use to dress up the Austin icon.

There is also this ominous sentence at the end of his Wikipedia entry:

It is believed that Leslie suffered a stroke and may be in a "vegetative state."

I fervently hope that Leslie makes a full recovery. Austin just wouldn't be the same without him!

Vocabulary Lesson of the Day: "Croydon Facelift"

(image via the Daily Mail)

Oh, those Brits and their funny expressions.

The Daily Mail has a wee story today about frightening celebrity Nicole Kidman and her terrifying "Croydon Facelift" (Croydon is a ne-chic-pas London suburb). Let's learn all about this strange phenomenon, shall we?

She continues to deny claims she uses Botox, but Nicole Kidman opted for another trick for ironing out unwanted wrinkles last night - the Croydon Facelift.

The pencil-thin Oscar-winning actress modelled the infamous hairstyle at a party held at the Omega flagship store in New York.

Her ginger mane was tied back so tightly back that the features on her face were pulled even more tautly than usual.

The term Croydon Facelift was coined several years ago - around the time 'chavs' began to emerge - and Little Britain's Vicky Pollard and Catherine Tate's teen Lauren are both fans...

Kate Moss and Victoria Beckham have sported the hairdo this year while Madonna, Kate Winslet and even Michelle Obama have also given the style a try.

Miss Kidman was seen with her auburn locks scraped back into a tight, high ponytail at a party at the Omega watches flagship store in New York on Wednesday night...

She credits drinking lots of water, eating fruit and doing yoga for her looks, insisting: 'I am completely natural.'

The mother of Sunday Rose has said: 'I have nothing in my face or anything.'

Oh, you have got huge enormous gall to say that that forehead is from water, fruit, and yoga, lady. On the other hand, that ginger mane of yours may have pulled back your skin so tightly that you are no longer capable of interpreting reality.