Kat Von D Has Indeed Managed To Spite Her Own Face

So here's what "LA Ink" reality star/former fiancee of Orby Orbison/current flame of Nikki Six Ms. Kat Von D used to look like:



Pretty! Attractive! Of course, god only knows what she looked like in her youth--oh wait, here we go:



She's in the red gingham top (I thought that should be mentioned, since she is UNRECOGNIZABLE!). Cute! Fetching!

So what does La Von D look like now, you ask? Like Marisa Tomei with a partially paralyzed tattooed face:



AAAAAAAAAAAAH! Not only does she not look herself anymore, her nose is way too small for her face. Look at the gap between her nose and her upper lip! Also, she's kind of got a Stepford Wives creepy robotic stare going on. All and all--she is FREAKING ME OUT.

Another Year, Another Frightening Celeb Photo of The Day!

If you need any proof that 2010 is going to be the SEXIEST year ever, well just FEAST your eyes on these scintillating beach photos of one Miss Rachel Zoe frolicking in St. Bart's:


(photos via the WOW Report via JustJared)

Looks like "not making food a priority" has really paid off for Rachel--in HOTTNESS.

Ashes To Ashes, Dust To Danzig

Wowza. The Fun Fun Fun Festival was last weekend here in Austin, and the American-Statesman has this newsflash about headliner Danzig and his extremely devoted fandom:

This communique and photo from Transmission Entertainment honcho Graham Williams, fresh from this weekend’s Fun Fun Fun Fest, gets today’s Needs No Setup or Intro award. Take it away, sir:

Hello my friends…. This was too unreal and kinda hilarious to keep on my computer as wallpaper, so here is the photographic evidence, but last night at the end of Fun Fun Fun Fest in Austin, some girl definitely DID run up to the stage and pour her dead friend’s ashes on the spot where Glen Danzig was standing on stage, as “this was her last dying wish.” No disrespect to any of the awesome bands that played my festival, but I didn’t see anyone do that when Kevin Barnes left the Of Montreal stage. I’m just saying…some people have a special kind of fan. I think I DID see a dreadlock fly by GZA during “Liquid Swords,” but I digress….

Weirder still is that it’s probably an even money bet that this type of thing has happened to Danzig more than once before.

OK, Felt Up has a few questions:

1) Who was this awesome girl and what did she die of? Sure, it's none of my business, but that's beside the point.

2) What was Danzig's reaction? Or had he already left the stage? Does this happen so often that he has an "ash technician"?

3) Why didn't she pour the ashes ON Danzig himself?

4) Who is going to pour your humble Felt Up blogette's ashes on Liza Minelli?

Felt Up EXCLUSIVE! Fresh News From the Quaids Frontline

(image via aarontodd)

Except for a recent wee tidbit about crazy old Randy Quaid and his nutso wife Evi getting unsuccessfully extradited from Texas to California to face "defrauding an innkeeper" charges, there has been a woeful lack of Quaids Crisis news of late. There has been such a dearth that I have been forced to read about crap like this.

So imagine my delight when a) a little bird sent me this super-hot tip from deep in the heart of Crazy Quaidsville, USA and b) I realized that I could say the phrase "Felt Up can report EXCLUSIVELY" that a mutual friend of mine and the bird just returned from Marfa, Texas and filed this urgent report:

Got to Marfa on Friday, saw Randy Quaid almost immediately. They are currently remodeling a building on main street and are in a war with the other owners. Literally, while we were there, the wife put a ladder against the building, climbed on the roof and cut the neighbor's dish tv power line. Sheriff came, people driving down the street telling her to "get the f**k out of marfa". We watched it all from the Paisano across the street. The drama went on for two days. AWESOME.

Huzzah! A feudin' and a fussin' QUAIDS style, man. I wonder if this is why formerly sober brother Dennis Quaid has gone off the wagon in a big way?

What Did You Drew?

Has anyone noticed that Felt Up close personal friend Drew Barrymore has suddenly morphed into Kate Winslet? Take a look:


(image via cbs)


(image via awful plastic surgery)


(image via cbs)

Sure, she's lost weight and probably "drinks water and does yoga" blah blah blah, but her eyes are a completely different shape and she looks way more like Kate Winslet than herself. It's freaking me out!

Drew, call me!

Unvoluptious Vixens Vie For Vampire Viking

(image via radar)

Just recently Felt Up posted that every good and decent person's favorite "True Blood" vampire Alexander Skarsgard was getting it on with costar Evan Rachel Wood, former inappropriately-aged paramour of Marilyn Manson. But now Radar is reporting that he's making time with his Straw Dogs co-star Kate "Sometimes Healthy, Sometimes A Death's Head" Bosworth:

It looked like true love was in the air for True Blood star Alexander Skarsgard Saturday night at the Spike TV Scream Awards.

RadarOnline.com saw the Best Villain Award winner and Kate Bosworth acting like quite the happy couple backstage and they were spotted trying hard not to be seen together at the Chateau Marmont after the event.

Kate presented the award to her True Blood honey. When we asked the petite actress where she and Alexander met she told us "On the movie", referring to Straw Dogs, the movie they just finished filming together.

Kate looked gorgeous in an Alexander Wang dress and Alexander McQueen shoes (wait a minute, do we see an Alexander obsession here?) and backstage at the award show she and Alexander were very sweet together. The couple was very affectionate, holding hands as Alexander played with Kate' hair while they chatted with friends in the green room.

Kate and Alexander hugged a few times and were often spotted whispering to each other. As Alexander left the green room to go on stage gave Kate playfully slapped him on his butt a few times and said "Go, go, go."

The golden haired couple was spotted at a Britney Spears concert in Louisiana last September but a rep claimed -- you guessed it -- they were "just friends."

Right!

Puke!

Although none of these starlets are good enough for the viking prince of darkness--and apparently he likes 'em ultra bony--boooo!--I do like that he's playing the field and not getting tied down by any one of these young misses (at least not yet). He is Sweden's Sexiest Man, for God's sake. He should sow his Hollywood oats!

Mime Is Money

On last night's season premiere of "Nip/Tuck" there was:

One jarring replacement of the actress who played Teddy, the possible grifter/definite drug fiend/anaesthesiologist/girlfriend of Dr. Sean McNamara, with terrible facelift recipient/homewrecker Rose MacGowan.

One awesome voiceover narration by Felt Up fave rave Ms. Linda Hunt.

One unceremonious dumping of semi-lesbian Dr. Liz by a now-in-remission Dr. Christian Troy.

One pissed-off semi-lesbian Dr. Liz hiring a blind bulldog lawyer played by Mr. Barry Bostwick to sue Dr. Christian Troy for divorce and take one-half of everything he has, all of which he put under her name when he thought he was dying of breast cancer.

One financial crisis turning Dr. Sean McNamara into an anxious, sleepless wreck and Dr. Christian Troy into a spendthrift shopaholic yacht buyer.

One creepy Michael Jackson-lookalike son Matt becoming a MIME.

One return of the plastic surgeon played by Mario Lopez and his vaginal rejuvenation golden goose to McNamara/Troy. (See NSFW photo at "bottom" of this post for a screen shot of Mario Lopez and Dr. Christian Troy having a super-homoerotic shower on a previous episode.)

One infomercial for the "vaginal uplift" starring Mario Lopez, Drs. McNamara and Troy, and Kimber, Dr. Christian Troy's former fiancee/daughter-in-law/porn star/infant plastic surgery pusher.

One dejected mime turning to a probable life of crime in mime makeup.

One desperate Dr. Christian Troy almost succombing to the old "hold your pee pee and describe it to the blind divorce lawyer" ruse.

One scene of Rose MacGowan proposing marriage to a conflicted, uncertain, and sleepless Dr. Sean McNamara, who of course says "yes."

One scene of Rose MacGowan pushing sleeping pills on Dr. Sean McNamara, who takes some and promptly goes into some kind of a coma.

THE END.

This season on "Nip/Tuck" there will be a mime crime spree, prescription drug addiction, sex, violence, naughty language, graphic scenes of plastic surgery set to hilarious background music, and here's hoping, more homoerotic tension between these two:


(image via justjared)